I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
