it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
