My balls are so social today.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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