I wish I only lived at night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
