I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
