Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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