Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
