My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
