Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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