how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
