thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
