What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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