I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
