Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
