I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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