If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
