Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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