maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
