I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
