I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
