he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
