My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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