I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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