Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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