At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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