I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
