even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
