I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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