yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
