At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's great music for shaving your balls
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
