Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
