i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
