i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
