Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
