she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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