worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
