babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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