Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
