I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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