my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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