so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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