I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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