Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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