Dual....:-)
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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