i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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