I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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