just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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