I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
