I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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