we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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