operation harelip BJ is a go
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
