And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
