If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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