He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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