i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
